It Really Is About the Finish Line

“I believe in redefining my impossible.”
~ Jordan Thomas

We here at Red Sky have focused our attentions towards the Go Red For Women Campaign this month. A large component of this campaign is to evaluate what each of us are doing to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Many, like me, struggle with the fact that there aren’t enough hours in the day or if we can’t be the best at whatever activity we are doing, maybe it’s just not worth doing, right?

Please tell me I am not the only one here.

I have to admit there are days [and years like this one] where I am a bit of a cluster. One of my best friends who is a nurse just shakes his head in good-natured ribbing towards me every time we run together or race. You see, I have arthritis. Oh yeah, and asthma. And spinal alignment issues and have either IT band issues or bursas in my knees. Yes, when I say I can be a bit of a cluster, it’s true and I have accepted this. Well, mostly.

I tend to be a bit of perfectionist and I become slightly neurotic when I feel I can’t give my best in any way. Almost to the point of not being able to function. This carries over into running in a big way.

I have always been athletically inclined and active.  I began running in high school and more seriously in graduate school. I was a pretty decent runner [7:13-miles consistently] and life was good. I was then diagnosed with asthma after a pretty horrible respiratory illness and I never seemed to get back to where I was, however; I was still running 8:00-minute miles. Then three years ago while training for the notorious Robie Creek Half Marathon, I began to be in quite a bit of pain and generally was not recovering well from my runs. Not understanding why, and after numerous and stressful exams, it was found that I have arthritis. Let the humbling experience begin and believe me it has.

The reason I give this backstory is because I just completed a writing assignment entitled “What do I Run For?” I have had every reason to give up over the years if not only because of my own mental roadblocks that tell me if I cannot run at least x-pace then I should not run at all. Again that inner voice dictating what success looks like.

What I have come to realize is that I have come to run mostly for different reasons that when I began. These to this day continue to evolve as I get older however after dealing with a pretty awful case of pneumonia this year which has affected my lungs and breathing in major ways even 6-months later; it has affected my times and ability just that much more and it has caused me to look deep within me as to why running is so important to me as honestly, it would be so much easier just to get on the elliptical machine.

I run because:

• It keeps me sane despite its frustrations;
• This is when I mentally talk to my mom who passed away 6-years ago due to cancer and tell her all the things I wish I could pick up the phone and tell her;
• It challenges me, but on my own terms;
• I may not always be able to do due to the arthritis so I am grateful that I still can;
• The pain is a reminder that I cannot always push everything to the limit and it teaches me patience which I really have little of;
• I make large decisions while running…my mind is clearer and focus is sharper;
• If I have a bad run, the next one is usually much better;
• A very good friend of mine that passed away much too early in life was an avid runner…I run for them;
• The women on both sides of my extended family tend to have a lot of breast and ovarian cancer which makes me high risk especially given my mom and maternal grandma’s deaths due to the disease. Running is part of a lifestyle choice and I would like to live long enough to see my future grandchildren and perhaps even great grandchildren;
• It is just for me…I tend to give myself away to everyone else emotionally. This is to replenish what I need to be able to give of myself to those I adore;
• I ran my first half marathon last year 20+ minutes faster than I ever did in my training runs. This inspired me.

I have a race coming up two weeks from today. I am not prepared mentally or physically for it due to a number of reasons that really don’t matter. What does matter as I keep learning through what I have termed “Ashley’s Year of Patience” is that I will still show up on race day, be seriously nervous, and will just find a way to get through the race. And at the end I will congratulate my friends who have competed as well and start working towards the next goal. While I desperately want to compete and to beat my time from last year, it really is all about finishing the race and to keep in mind the very reasons above as to why I am really out there running.

I would challenge each one of you to really evaluate, determine and address what may be keeping you from a healthier lifestyle and face it head on. We all have our challenges but as I have said…it is all about the finish line. Hopefully you will cross it on your own terms.

- Ashley Ford

(Please join Red Sky and all of the other community and national sponsors in Going Red for Women on November 3 at the Boise Centre)